I realize it’s been a month since I last wrote. To be fair, I was off-grid for half of that, trying to make money before September creeps along and school starts.
Ah, yes. I’ve officially registered to go back to university for Graphic Design. No backing out now, although there’s still a chance of getting kicked out because after the first year, only a certain amount of students are allowed to progress in the Graphic Design program.
I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work. Things are slowly starting to pick up in that department. It’s easier to get my name out there after having a couple of people try me out and see what I can do. (Speaking of which…)
With school looming at the end of the summer, it feels like there’s a time limit to chasing my dreams. As if I have to succeed at publishing a book or acting in films by the end of August in order for my interests to be considered serious, or for my skills to be considered good enough. Acting is the biggest one for me.
Recap: I quit my job in January and in February decided that, since I had the time, I’d go at acting with everything I had. After years of only taking lessons for fun, and hearing about how actors can get hundreds of rejections, I started going to auditions and stuff. I got all three of the films I auditioned for that month.
While that helped my confidence a bit, I still felt like a small fish in a big pond. It was great to meet pros who’d been in the business for ages and for more than just acting. It was humbling to watch them do the same excellent performances again and again for every take of every shot, without missing a beat or getting tired. I felt so lucky to be learning from them and to be part of making these short films, but I also felt like I could never be as good. How the hell was I supposed to keep up with these people? I didn’t feel talented or experienced at all working alongside them. They had gone to school for this, they had worked on the other side of the camera for that, they knew what they were doing here and I was just, there.
But I got better. I gained experience. I took roles that pushed me beyond my limits. Something clicked and suddenly I trusted myself as an actress.
I’m still learning, definitely. But I’ve discovered I’m actually good at acting, or decent at least. It used to be enough that I loved it, but knowing I’m good at it does change a lot. It makes me hopeful. To be good at something you love is a good sign, right? Maybe I found something that could be more than just a hobby.
Of course, none of this will matter come September.
But September isn’t here yet. So I’m going to keep acting. Here’s my next project, a pilot called D.O.P.E. by Cave Puppet Films. Check it out.