When I was still at my job, I felt burned out at the end of every day. In the beginning I used to write when I could, but it turned into more work on top of already exhausting work. For the majority of my time I wasn’t doing any writing outside of this blog at all. It made me feel like I had gone across the ocean, studied for three years, chased my passion, and it was all for nothing. I was doing a job I didn’t enjoy and kept working just for the money. I saw myself growing old there, maybe becoming the assistant manager in five years, the manager in ten years, and I saw a future where working retail would become my life. And it scared the hell out of me. So I left.
It was a bit like jumping out of a plane without a parachute, or a trust fall without anyone behind you. The first week or so definitely felt like that. My stomach was even doing that weightlessness feeling (a.k.a. anxiety). But I figured, I needed some time to get my head on straight. I would take some time to come up with a few plans and hopefully be one step closer to finding a way to do what I love and not starve at the same time.
Things have been awesome for me these past two months. I left a job I didn’t enjoy and have taken the time to chase my passions. Not that I haven’t followed my passions before, I have. But I had the time to fully commit myself to acting, which I have never been able to do before. I wasn’t sure anything would come of it, because acting is precarious like that, but against all odds, I’ve been cast in three short films in this short time. I’ve been having the time of my life. I’ll be filming the third starting Monday, actually.
In addition to those, I’ve found a way to make money from my writing. This is great, and it’s provided me with a much needed ego boost. Maybe, with some time and some work, I could make a living doing this. After all, writing is one of those careers where you get better and your work becomes more valuable with time. So I have time. Of course, getting paid for writing sometimes means writing about things I wouldn’t volunteer to write about, but that’s just part of getting where you want to go, you know?
The last thing I took steps to pursue, a Plan C of sorts, was Graphic Design. If you were around a few months ago, you may remember I attended school for a few months to learn Graphic Design, but it was horrible and I got out of there as soon as I could. Well, I applied to an actual, bigger, well-known, and decent art school a while back. Yesterday I got an envelope with confetti in it (it got all over the floor and a bit on Foxy, too) and a letter saying I’ve been accepted!
Being accepted, I had to think a bit. Again, this was Plan C. Plan A was already going a lot better than I expected it to, and Plan B was on a steady climb as well. Accepting Plan C almost felt like A and B had failed, although they clearly hadn’t. Not only that, but I really want to leave this city, and going to school would sort of lock me down for another four years. I’m not sure if I want that.
However, I do love Graphic Design. I love the idea of learning about it properly with a good teacher and surrounded by enthusiasm and inspiration. I love the possibility of designing book covers one day. Having a safer, more stable job that I actually love rather than tolerate for the money. Making a career from it. I can still do acting and writing. When school starts in September, I might have to let the Acting fall in the ranks a bit, but that still gives me several months to build up as much of those experiences as I can.
In the future, there may be a time when I am able to transfer to an art school outside of the province. Or maybe the reason I hate Calgary so much is that I feel like I haven’t got any independence here, and if so, I can change that. It will take time, but I can get my licence, make more friends, and have a life right here. (There’s even an option of doing a semester abroad and there are a lot of places I could go, including Cornwall, England.)
So I have passions, and I’m glad I do. I’m never happier working than when I’m on set. Nothing is more satisfying to me than finishing a draft of a novel. And in a few years I’ll also be able to paint a book’s story on it’s cover. How lucky am I to have so many loves?